Loving Father, I entrust This Dear Person to your care this day; guide with
wisdom and skill the minds and hands of the medical people who minister
in your Name, and grant that every cause of illness be removed, that she may
be restored to soundness of health and learn to live in more perfect
harmony with you and with those around her. Through Jesus Christ. Amen.

Into your hands, I commend her body and her soul. Amen.

The details of how the conception cap works may gross out the
ordinary girl. Quite simply, your boyfriend, husband, or whoever,
squirts his man-juice (sperm for the highly educated) into this cap,
after which the girl who wants to have evil baby(ies) after nine months
inserts this man-juice-filled cap into her warm love-box (vagina for
those who went to medical school and love watching Oprah).

As answers to silly questions like “why” and “how” and “WTF!”, Coolest Gadgets explains:

“Your sperm is guaranteed safe passage from sticky issues like a tilted
cervix, high vaginal pH levels, gravity, low sperm count, and low sperm
mobility. Made from flexible, surgical-grade silicone, the Conception
Cap can be used normally by women in the comfort and privacy of their
homes. A recently concluded clinical trial proved that users can follow
the Instructions for Use safely and successfully without receiving aid
from a doctor.”